Stick Up for Yourself!
Tips from Lynn Students on How to Handle Confrontation
By Gabi Drobot, Assistant Editor
For many people, standing up for themselves does not come naturally. While experiencing continuous change and growth in college, you may choose not to defend yourself in certain situations to seem more likable.
Allowing others to treat you with disrespect or worse only harms one individual: You.
Standing up for yourself is an essential form of prioritizing yourself and communicating your own self-respect to others.
Setting boundaries with people in our surroundings is a much more important aspect of forming new relationships than is discussed. It is imperative that a member of any relationship — romantic and non-romantic alike — never feels like a human doormat.
“Sticking up for myself can be really daunting, especially when it is around new friends,” said Dani Bastos, a sophomore. “It took me a long time to realize by not standing up for myself, I was the only one getting hurt.”
Learning how to stand up for yourself correctly can be very confusing, but it begins with genuinely understanding your boundaries and needs.
“Once you know, understand, and respect your own needs, you’ll be more likely not to be caught off guard,” said clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D. “Know that you don’t have to offer a reason if you decline to do something. If you are pressured for a reason, you can simply say, ‘I appreciate your interest, but it simply doesn’t work for me.’”
Saying no sounds simple, but as many introverts know, it can be quite the opposite. Respectfully declining an event or gathering is a way to establish your boundaries in a relationship by showing that you can politely decline. The key is to remain assertive in your stance but steer away from aggression.
A way to remain assertive is to use “I” phrases continually. This tactic allows assertiveness to be viewed as a stance on your end, not an issue with the other party.
For example, instead of saying, “You won’t stop bothering me,” instead say “I really need to get this work done. I am going to head to the library.”
When you make a stance for yourself, you must be definitive about how you feel. This way, your statements will not come off as wishy-washy or like they can be easily swayed.
“A piece of the work is learning that a person can stand up to others with gentle, solid power,” said Manly.
This being said, guilt after asserting yourself will most likely still arise, which is normal. After someone has struggled with this issue, old feelings may still sneak up on you. Keep pushing through. One day, the feeling will be gone and you can finally express what you genuinely want and need.
